Never? Really?
by Xenocryst
Summary: I want to be loved. Is there seriously nothing I can do to be loved? I want to be loved.
1. My life

Hiya! It's Xenocryst, here with my newly planned story, Never! Really?.

Firstly, Thank you to **Ratskie, Mayvarik, Sammie-chan, Fate Kashigo** and **ZonaRose **for giving me permission to use your fanfics for my fanfic. I will use at least one story of yours, throughout the story and acknowledge your work and everything that is yours. Thank you very much.

Secondly, I want to thank every single one of you guys who take some of their time to read my fanfic, especially those who review, hehe I really like reviews. Or if you have any problems, comments, suggestions you can also PM me. :)

Thirdly, if you have any more fanfics I can use, then my arms are open!

I have redone chapter 1 so give it a go and if you're unsatisfied with anything, or desire anything, PM me, review.

**IMPORTANT: IN THIS CHAPTER, MAYVARIK'S STORY: SHATTERED TRUST IS USED. MAYARIK OWNS ALL THE RIGHTS TO SHATTERED TRUST. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ HIS/HER STORY, IT'S A VERY GOOD STORY...READ IT. **

**Never? Really?**

**Chapter 1- The way it is.**

I fiddled with my tako in my lunch box, deep in thought, thought of the one I loved. Pushing one of the tako towards another, I made them snuggle against one another. _'I love you'_ the tako whispered to the other, embracing each other, sharing their warmth. Oh how I wish I could hear those three wor-

"Nanoha~, I l-i-k-e y-o-u~" the blonde beside whispered near my ear sending chills of excitement and embarrassment through my body. My ear instantly boiled and I jerked back from the voice, my hand covering my victimized ear.

"F-F-F-F-Fate chan?" I whimpered. "W-What are you d-doing?"

Fate beamed. "You looked sooo engrossed, with your octopus' that I thought I'll remind you that it's time to have those three words said to you by that special someone."

"Ah…right…" I said, my blush still pasted on my face. "I better get going then….I'm a bit nervous…" Fate smiled and gave me a tight squeeze on my right hand. "He gave you that letter because he likes you."

I packed up my lunch swiftly and paced myself towards the back of the gym, taking the letter I received earlier this morning from my pocket.

I arrived at the back of the gym, at the designated place, and looked around; hoping to search for him, hoping it isn't all just a joke.

"H-Hi…Nanoha chan."

I turned around and came face to face with a young blonde man, his teethy grin and his fogged up glasses represented his sincerity. I smiled.

"Y-Yunno…"

Suddenly, out of the blue he bowed, his glasses dropped a little as he did and he declared: "I like you…go out with me please." He kept his position and waited for my reply.

"I like you too."

The blonde straightened himself wearing a blush on his face he embraced me. Our heads were inches apart and I knew where this is going to lead, I shut my eyes tight and brought my head closer.

"**CUT"**

I sighed and remembering the position I was in, I quickly unwounded myself from the grasp of Yunno and pushed him away subtlety. I didn't want to get on Yunno's bad side since he was my co worker but I sure didn't want him to misunderstand anything.

"That scene was well taken, Harlaown san, Scyra kun, and Takamachi san. I'm pleased, however there is just one little thing." He pointed to me. " Takamachi, you were red since the beginning of the film as if you were thinking of someone, or were you feeling a bit sick?"

My heart pumped. He couldn't of have known who I was thinking of right? "Um..sorry…I-I"

"Takamachi san, whoever you were thinking of…this is just a drama. It's not real. None of the feelings is real, so please don't get influenced, it'll only affect your work tremendously."

"Sorry. But it's not that, I just have a cold…that's all, nothing like that." _Yes nothing like that, nothing is real. _

Chrono shifted against his seat. "Ah. Sorry for assuming things. Ahem, okay then, I'll look through the scene and if signs of your cold are evident, we'll redo the scene, but if it isn't then we will move on to the kissing scene next time. Remember to read the script and **become** the characters." With that the director exited the scene.

I walked towards my bags and sighed. Was it that obvious I was thinking about someone during the scene? I really need to compose myself. I took a quick glance behind me before opening the door but the blonde was too busy discussing the next scene to notice me. Ahaha, who am I kidding, I wouldn't be noticed even if I was standing right beside them.

My name is Nanoha Takamachi and I am 16 years old who works as an actress in order to earn a living. Currently I am involved in a series called Love Lyrical Nanoha. It's a show which uses our real names, about high school love and for some unknown reason I was chosen as the protagonist. Yunno is my 'crush' in the series and Fate is my best friend, although as said by Chrono, these relationships are not real in reality.

The other main actors involved in this series, are Hayate, my supposedly love rival, Vita, the number one class athlete despite her small size, Shizuka, the class president, Arisa and the delinquent who Shizuka befriends.

Shamal is my manager, and is probably the nicest and most caring manager ever. I've heard from rumors that Fate's manager, Signum, beats her with a kendo stick if she doesn't do what is required. For that, I really don't like Signum, but as everyone knows, gossips are not the truth. But if I find any evidence of Signum abusing Fate I will sue her.

Unlike other managers, I deliberated requested Shamal not to drive me home from work as I live quite far away and I would like to keep my address and phone number confidential so my fans and manager aren't able to find me. I have my reasons.

I drove home, and stumbled into my house after unlocking the front door, passing through the living room where my uncle was drinking with his friends. I walked passed it trying to avoid eye contact, however to my dismay I was caught and a glass bottle came flying my way. I managed to dodge it but resulted with a cut on my hand. Loud footprints resounded in the house and it got louder as my uncle approached me. I was scared, frightened and horrified but there was nothing I could do. He pushed me against the wall and grabbed strands of my hair, pulling my hair upwards so my eyes were equal to his. His other hand was holding on to a bottle of vodka.

"YOU SPOILED BRAT! COMING HOME THIS LATE. WHERE"S MY DINNER?"

"Dinner?"

"YOU BRAT!" He shouted as he slapped me, making me fall to the ground with a loud THUD. Once again he picked me up again with my hair and forced vodka into my mouth. My mind became blank and a bit dizzy, but other than that, even though it was strong alcohol, it didn't affect me much. You could say, I'm used to all this.

Minutes later, he spat at me and then proceeded back to his mates and started drinking again. I walked up the stairs to the attic, aka my room and threw myself onto my futon. I never forgot anything that my uncle had done to me in the past, not that I wanted to remember them, but I couldn't forget them. I've always wished and sometimes I believe that if I wish hard enough, he might be as nice as before when my aunt ran away.

I fumbled in my desk draw and took out a pack of bandages and quickly slapped one on my hand, then I proceeded into the shower. Letting the hot water gently hit my skin was pure bliss, the sensation the water gives you, almost makes you feel like you are loved.

I got changed and jumped onto my soft futon, snuggling into my blankets. After receiving enough warmth and feeling rather bored I got off my futon and jumped onto my laptop, surfing the net. I clicked onto one of my favourite websites. W w w . fanfiction. c o m. I clicked onto the Love Lyrical section and my heart beated a bit faster.. _I wish there will be updates today._Above, I scrolled down to find the names of my desired characters.

Character 1: Nanoha Takamachi.

I got to character two and hesitated a bit. Yes, I've done this several times, in fact I go on this website every single day, but each time I enter character 2, I can't help but feel a bit nervous like it's my first time.

Character 2: Fate Testarossa.

I smiled at her name and her image presented itself in my mind. _Oh my gosh...I love her so much._ As soon as I entered the characters, I looked at the stories. I looked at the page presented in front of me, scrolling up and down, making sure I haven't missed anything, and to my dismay, there were no updates. I gave a light sigh but I still wanted to read. Then an idea came to me, _why don't I just read the old ones_, so I went back a few pages and found a 8 chapter fanfic. Awesome.

"Let's see...Shattered Trust...Author: Mayvarik."

I started reading and I couldn't stop...and even though my heart ached from the beginning till the end, I was addicted to this story, so addicted to the fact that Fate and I were married, I read it 2 more times.

I read the last sentence on Chapter 8 for the 4th time and deeply exhaled, it almost felt like I had held my breath for the whole read.

I inhaled and held my laptop, my hands tightly gripping the side of the screen.

"Mayvarik...why...why you no update. Do you want to see Fate and I in that situation forever. Why? Mayvarik...update...update...update.."

I decided to leave a review and after a few crossouts and backspaces, I was left with this.

**Raising Heart:  
><strong>_Hi Mayvarik,_

_Firstly I'm really happy to have read your fanfic, though I was a bit red and felt embarrassed throughout the fanfic, I loved it. I mean I don't like the fact that Nanoha was drugged, and did something like that to Yunno, for who knows how long, but her being married to Fate. I love it. Nanoha should be married to Fate. Anyways, I liked it, it made my heart ache each time I felt Fate's emotions. Nanoha...sigh, wh,y but I'm sure you'll update and give them a good ending. :) _

_Because...Nanoha will always always...l-l-love Fate.. _

Will that give away the fact that I'm Nanoha...? I sighed and added a few words to the end of my review.

_Raising Heart, a huge, number one fan of Nanofate. _

I smiled and sighed as I shut down my laptop and began chanting in my head.

I slowly tucked myself in my futon and fell asleep. _Mayvarik...update._

"...was drugged...I was DRUGGED! DRUGGED, I tell you, DRUGGED. I didn't mean to betray you. Trust me, you're the only one in my little worthless he-"

"CUT! Takamachi san...I do believe you have been reading the wrong script. Why are you telling us, you've been drugged?" Chrono exclaimed in confusion.

Just telling you all this, you must think before you speak or else you'll end up like me. "Well, that's obvious, it's because I did it with Yunno, despite the fact that I was married to Fate, who came home from a very long mission and subtly exposed herself in order to sed-"

I stopped and took a step back from the Fate.

It was slient. I looked around,

at Chrono, his confused eyes, and slightly opened mouth,

at Shamal, who just kept smiling like it was normal,

at Hayate, who seemed to be snickering,

at Vita, who had a disgusted look on her face,

at Shizuka, who had a sincere shocked expression,

at Arisa, who had a angry shocked expression,

at Yunno, his fogged up glasses and red face

then, at Fate, whose expression was neutral, slightly confused but neutral. She caught me staring at her and smiled.

That's when I came to an epiphany that, I wasn't at home, on my laptop, nor was I on bed, dreaming.

I was at the studio, and my legs felt weak. I fell to the ground, I was very nervous.

I grew hot, and I decided to break the slience, but someone else did before me._ Fate_

"That's a funny dream you had Takamachi, haha, though it is an embarrassing story. Here..." She said as she held out her hand for me to grab, which I did after hesitating. She pulled me up and brushed the dust off my right shoulder. "Sorry." I apologized, without making eye contact.

"Nanoha –chan that...that was a dream right?" Yunno said as he brought his glasses to his eyes. 

" It was more of a nightmare, don't worry I don't think of either you two like that. I mean you most certainly won't do that to me, and I don't like Testarossa san like that at all. No chance. I guess I haven't fully woken up...Nyhaha" I bluntly lied, but both of them bought it.

"Whew, Nanoha-chan, don't make me worry..haha"

"That's a relief, I wouldn't know what to do if you really did like me." Fate gave a light laugh, which broke my heart. _I would of have been happy if I didn't know that...Fate chan._

"That's enough for today. Takamachi-san, sleep properly, will you?" The director of the show said as he walked out.

I packed my bags, said my farewells, and realised I was the only one left besides Hayate, who walked towards me and squatted next to me.

"Nanoha-chan~ What's taking you so long~" My best friend asked in a tone that sounded a bit too mischievous.

"Thinking about today?" She kept interrogating

"It was a stupid dream..." _Mayvarik, update!_

"Or~ do you just read too many fanfics..."

Hayate grinned, and I was scared.


	2. My First Kiss

A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers and readers.

If you haven't read the newly written first chapter, go read it first before reading this one, or else it might be a bit confusing. :)

**Chapter 2 – My First Kiss **

_She knows? Hayate-chan knows! You have got to be joking. I can't believe she knows.!_

I sat up from my futon with my blanket still wrapped around my body; I gazed at my laptop screen sitting on my desk. The webpage opened on my laptop was a webpage too familiar. The list of fanfics sitting on that page seemed to be begging me to edge closer and click on every single one of them.

But now that Hayate knows, it'll spread, and when it'll spread, Fate will know I'm madly in love with her, and when she knows that she'll be disgusted in me and never want to talk to me. Images of my love, walking away from me filled my head and I was left feeling empty.

_Grumble _

Literally, empty. I grabbed my backpack which was situated to my left and opened it, taking out a wrapped sandwich I bought at the mall near my studio. From downstairs, I could hear the TV blasting away and my uncle and his friends cheering and laughing. I looked at the bottom right corner of my laptop screen. 10:25pm.

I'm eating dinner by myself at 10:25PM in the attic. I stopped eating my sandwich and sighed at myself. _I feel lonely._ Stuffing the sandwich back in its original place, I laid down on my futon and unconsciously drifted off.

**Never! Really? **

I got to my work place early, like always, and took my disguise off. I looked around the area and spotted the girl I was looking for. I trotted to Hayate, with an attempted sincere smile pasted on my face hoping she would magically forget the fact I depend on my fanfic to 'live'.

"Hayate~" I sang.

She looked at me with the same grin from yesterday, the grin that made me nervous. "You're looking rather nervous today…Nanoha." She smiled again and that's when I couldn't take it anymore.

I took both of her shoulders and shook her. "Hayate…you can't tell anyone, please!" I begged desperately. "But I already told Fate…" She sighed. My arms fell to my side, and started sweating.

My mouth literally couldn't close.

"Just joking." She suddenly, grasped onto me and held me close, whispering in my ears. "I won't tell, but on one condition. Will you take it?" Her voice snarled evilly.

My body shivered but I nodded hesitantly. She continued, still holding me close. " You must listen to everything I say from now on." I withdrew from her grasp instantly.

"Are you kidding? That one condition is equal to slavery. That's just not fair!" I covered my ears not wanting to hear anymore. This was just ridiculous and … I thought she was my best friend.

Hayate held her hand out. "In addition, I will help you make Fate fall for you." I stopped trying not to listen, and took my hands from my ears.

"Deal." I said almost instantly as I took her hands for a firm handshake.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

"You seem really happy today." I turned to my right and met face to face with the most beautiful mouth watering…Yunno?

"Yunno?" I repeated, this time aloud. I was sure it was Fate's aura I felt.

"Yeah, I look like Yunno, don't I?" The blonde in front of me laughed. "But I'm actually Fate." Fate had green contacts on, her hair was dyed to the colour of Yunno's and lots and lots of make up was used to make her appearance resembled Yunno's.

"Why…"

"Ah..Yunno's gonna be running late today, so I 'm gonna take his place and well do the kiss scene with you." She said smoothly.

_Doesn't the image of kissing me make you even a bit nervous?_

"Sorry, you seem a bit sad. We're both girls so the kiss doesn't really count, you can still wait for…Yunno." She smiled, and it was beautiful, but her words accompanied with that smile, pained me.

Suddenly I was bought into a tight embrace. "Nanoha...think of the bright side…you get to kiss…F-a-t-e!" Hayate whispered into my ears, just loud enough for me to hear…I hope.

I blushed and it was evident, the image of kissing Fate took over all my worries and I was stoked, over the moon and on clouds nine.

**Never! Really? **

I stood there frozen, once again. The angel's lips were inches from mine, and I wanted nothing more but to take it right now. But it didn't seem right, the lips I wanted so badly, didn't hold love. To her, it was just an act, just part of her job.

To me…to me…it was love. I was feeling really hot and bothered at the moment, my body sweated and I began shaking.

I backed away from her. "Sorry." My eyes fixated to the ground.

"Sor-" Fate started.

"…I guess a girl kissing another, just doesn't work. We'll just have to work on another scene" Chrono sighed as he sat up and looked through the script.

The door to the set, suddenly slammed open and there, stood a puffing Yunno. "I'm here.." He said in between his puffs. The director smiled like there was no tomorrow, and the crew followed except for a certain blonde, who stared at the ground with a…furious look? on her face.

_Fate must think she's not reliable enough, it's my entire fault. _

I walked over, wanting to comfort her when...

"Alright! Takamachi get ready for the second take on the kiss scene with the real Yunno. Testarossa san, go get changed, you're not in any of the scenes today so you can either watch or leave. Everyone else get ready for your parts."

Fate left the set, and into the changing room. I wanted to follow her but, I knew it would just end in awkward slience, so I changed my mind.

_Why is it so much easier in fanfics?_

**Never! Really? **

I lied on my futon, reading the lines for tomorrow, but nothing was really staying in my head. I stayed in the same position and let my hand touch my lips. I really did kiss Yunno, and even though I backed away, why didn't I kiss Fate then. I really didn't want my first kiss to go to Yunno, but now, because of my cowardliness, it really did go to Yunno and not Fate.

_His face was inches away from mine, just like when Fate's was, but this time, I wasn't scared, I was nervous and a little bit unwilling but I didn't harbour any fear factor like I had when I was with Fate. Why is that? _

_We kissed, it was first a short one, but then it went deeper. _

_From the corner of my eyes, I saw Fate. My eyes widen and I could feel tears emerging, kissing someone else in front of Fate…was just plain wrong._

_But if I don't do well now, I might have to do it again, so I closed my eyes tight and forced myself to be as passionate as I could. I could taste him, and I didn't like it one bit, my internal feelings was bashing me hoping I would stop and jump to another blonde. _

"I should've just taken the kiss from Fate…who cares if she loves me or not, it was fake anyways with Yunno. Why was I so stupid. Why?" I angrily questioned myself.

_Knock Knock. _

I sat up straight from the sudden knock on the front door. I stood up from my bed and straightened myself out, so I looked presentable. On second thought, the only people who come visit are my uncle's drunk friends, so if I look too well dressed, something might happen. My uncle's out… but his drunk friends come to visit…what might happen.

_Knock Knock. _

I ruffled myself, ran downstairs and into the kitchen getting hold of a small sharp kitchen knife. I don't tend to hurt anyone, but self defence is essential.

_I do not want to get hurt…again _

I took slow steps towards the window near the door, but the figure was hidden in the dark night. I couldn't see who it was…damn it.

_Knock Knock. _

I took hold of the door knob in one hand and hid the kitchen knife behind my back with my other hand. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

My eyes widen and in front of me stood…

**Never! Really? **

A/N: Who might be at Nanoha's house? Sorry about the late update, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)

Until next time,

Xenocryst


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